Summer

Thursday, 20 November 2014

'He' and I have followed each other thru time...

We both entered Canada in 1965.  It was the year I was born and 'he' emigrated from Europe.  Do you believe if two people are destined to meet, they will?  When is the question and only God, the Universe has the answer.

In the late 70's I spent many weekends roller skating at The Terrace in Toronto, as did 'he'.  Did we skate right by each other all those years ago?  In the early 80’s I dated a guy who lived in the same neighborhood as 'he' did, and where his parents still reside.

Let’s move ahead to 1990.  I had met my husband and we desperately needed to find a place to live until we were ready to commit to buying a house and so in August we moved into an apartment we had found in just a few days.  Two months later 'he' bought a condo in the building right beside us and a few months later decided condo living was not for him, put it up for sale and bought his first home.  A year later my husband and I bought our first home in the neighboring town.

After ten years it was time to move from our home, the neighbourhood was changing and I was no longer happy there.  I was thrilled to find a new development going up in a quaint little town not too far away.  'He' wanted to leave his town as well and so he moved his family that same year to, yes the same quant little town.  How many times have we been at the same place at the same time?  Could we have walked right by each other in a store or on the street?

Eleven years later my husband and I separated and 'he' was embarking on a different journey that ultimately lead to a separation of a different kind.  I found a new home staying in the town I love so much.  ‘He’ spent day and night by his wife’s side as she battled cancer, which took her life two years later.  My struggles don't compare, but I lost men along the way, suffering heartbreak a few times.  The past year was about both of us working hard, finding the strength to carry on and find some happiness within.  It was a time of rebuilding our lives and preparing for what we had no idea was ahead of us, finally coming together.

'He' is the average Joe I have written about.  I had decided rather hesitantly to revisit online dating, but try a different site.  One late night something came over me and I felt compelled to sign up. After a month of disasters I contemplated throwing in the towel and then my Average Joe and I finally connected.  No more passing each other by, the Universe said the time had come to meet.  The question of when he and I were meant to collide has been answered, but the future remains uncertain, as he deals with the possibility his son could have a reoccurrence of cancer.  What is my purpose here?...only God knows what lies ahead.  Trust when two people are meant to meet, they will and if they both choose to walk the same path together from here on in, it will happen.

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Faith...lost, found or always there?

What a difference a day makes. One minute life seems so wonderful and the next I'm in excruciating pain.  This has happened before, debilitating back pain, I listen to my body and what keeps me going is knowing I'll get through it with a little bit of time and a lot of faith.  Never give up, that is never give up on God.  It is no coincidence that my mother had just told me she watched Joel Osteen on TV speak exactly about that..not turning your back on God, even in the most difficult moments.

There is no tougher test than physical pain when you feel alone and unsupported.  Your back is what supports you, but just because I know it doesn't necessarily give me a free pass not to have to experience it yet again.  Don't fight it, I tell myself and just surrender, not only to the pain, but to God.  It's always been a difficult time for me when there is very little family around, men that I have felt were not there for me, especially when I was struggling and now a relationship that is far to new to expect too much too soon.  I have learned not to blame anyone, but to see it as my issue and figure it out.  I now rely on God and trust he is with me every step of the way, helping me find the answers.  I have never believed as strongly as I do right now, that I am never alone, God is always with me and I'm not giving up on him.  If the body goes temporarily, the mind and spirit must not follow, but if they do, let it not continue on for too long, that's where you find yourself in depression or even worse where you just give up on God, yourself and your family, which can even lead to suicide, the worst tragedy of all.

Of all the people that have come and gone the first one that entered my thoughts was Christopher Reeve and so I watched a clip of an interview he did back in 2006. He didn't revisit his faith until after his injury.  There are countless people that have to undergo unbelievable events in their lives to find faith and a number still don't arrive at that point.  I myself found faith after my first encounter with what serious ongoing pain felt like.  Found faith, why would we use those words unless it was once lost?  I believe we all come into this world with faith and somewhere along the way, even as a small child we lose it because we were part of a family that didn't raise us to have faith, like Christopher Reeve, or for those who were, encountered something or someone along the way that influenced us enough to lose it.  This is my belief, and for all the science minded people out there, no I have no factual proof.

As the days go by I am getting more support.  God has not only brought me a wonderful man, but has placed me right around the corner from some amazing therapists that are helping me without resorting to harmful drugs.  My proof is what I observe all around me and the life I myself am living.  God is trying to help us to find what we lost or make sure we never let go of what we always had. Have you checked the lost and found box?  Faith may just be there waiting for you.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Beginnings and endings.

What a crazy time it is! So many beginnings and endings all around, my head is spinning!  Endings are coming sadly, I have heard of a few suicides recently and relationships not working out the way some had hoped for.  Endings are also about shedding the past and the old self which is what will bring wonderful new beginnings.  As for myself, from the book The Life You Were Born To Live, I am completing life cycle nine - 'a year of completion, of letting go, of quiet reflection that leads to wisdom – a time of looking backward and understanding that all cycles end; then begin again'.  As 2015 approaches I will be starting at one again, it's about new beginnings and I am working with that energy now as I prepare for a new year.  I'm on track, a beautiful new relationship is growing slow and steady.  The past has been about moving too quickly, which brought endings.  I have learned and through this wisdom I am shedding what hasn't worked and the Universe has brought me someone who wants to continue to grow with me as we build what could be long lasting.

Time is on some kind of warp speed.  The challenges I have faced already are being talked through and worked out quickly.  Doubts crept in momentarily which only made us want to work harder to find resolutions.  I have no doubt that putting the effort in brings the greatest pay off in the long run.  Perfect relationships are not reality and that's the world I used to live in.  Sure it might seem right when you're in it, but what happened is I went into denial like a turtle hides in it's shell when things seemed less than perfect.  Well maybe if I can just mold myself into what the other person wants to keep us together, as long as they're happy I'll be happy right?  And so I thought until I woke up from that dream and realized how many years I had been asleep.

I'm loving this reality, being in a relationship where both of us are thoughtful and considerate of each other, grateful and appreciative to have one another, never taking the other for granted.  As he said...'I'm the guy you'll still be having fun with 15 years later'.  Do you know how many people get comfortable?  How many guys feel courtship is work and when a few months go by they stop trying?  I think too many of us think that's reality.  Sure things change over time, but the playfulness and the fun need never change.  The tough times don't have to kill the passion you once had, in fact it should enhance it because once you get through it, you're even more grateful for what you have which means you try even harder to keep it. It's only been a short time, but because of time moving so very quickly I have already seen this happening and I can only trust that if this one is meant to last, we will continue to remain on the same page, enjoying what we have so far..many laughs, passionate debates and passion in every other way as we discover each other slow and steady.  Today is the beginning of the rest of your life, enjoy the ride!

Saturday, 1 November 2014

My average Joe.

'Being on my own for awhile has been good for me as I got lost for awhile'.  A message I sent and the reply that followed...'Now I found you'.  Is it possible?  Has the Universe brought me more than I could have imagined?...my average Joe.  A few years ago when my readings began with Stacey she said...'he's just your average Joe, but he's your Joe'.  As we talked the other night he said...'I'm just an average Joe', my jaw dropped and Stacey's words came right back to me in that moment.  It may be a somewhat common saying, but no one has ever said it to me before.  It's those moments of intimacy that make waiting to carry things to the next level all worth it.  The silliness, the goofiness, the wine, the dates, the stimulating conversation and the kissing are all part of the process I have waited a long time to enjoy and now it's here.  It's been a long journey.  A journey of getting involved with men that either weren't emotionally available or not willing to walk through their fears to grow with me.  I never gave up on my dreams, I just had lessons to learn along the way.

The one who seems to be my perfect fit is now here, is he here to stay?  He's kind, caring, smart, generous, compassionate, easy going, attractive, sexy, charming, established, honest and real.  He makes me laugh like I've never laughed before and now I know the importance of laughter within a relationship.  What I've learned is not to get ahead of myself, stay grounded, don't jump all in too fast and apply everything I have learned.  I finally figured out when someone special comes along, someone I could see a future with, I would build a foundation, piece by piece, day by day.  He has had much to learn as well.  Going from his childhood home where everything was done for him, to his matrimonial home.  After his wife passed he was faced with not only taking care of himself, but his children as well.  I have no doubt if he didn't work through his own struggles, we would not be here today, it's all about the timing.

When that someone special enters your life, enjoy every moment, it's all about the journey, not the destination.  Get to know all that you can about them before you give all of yourself.  Let the fire ignite and let it smolder for awhile.  If someone is willing to wait, they're interested in getting to know every part of you, they're emotionally available and they will show you in every other way that they're totally into you.

Stacey taught me to keep traveling the road I am on and when I meet someone that is not quite as far along as me, allow them to catch up.  A perfect sign to see if they are committed to you, they will want to put one foot in front of the other and join you on the journey.  I am also learning things from him, that's how it should be. One of my biggest lessons has been not to force someone who is not ready and realize quicker to remove myself from the situation instead of remaining hopeful that in time they will come around.  I never wanted to close a door, but I left it open a bit too long in the past.  When I let go and continued my walk, the Universe delivered. God you have heard my prayers, but it's not up to me when those prayers get answered.  I'm grateful for who I am today and the gift you have brought me...my average Joe.

Monday, 27 October 2014

Ebola virus...don't mess with me!

I’m on fire now and today I want to use my voice to speak out about the Ebola virus.  Do you want to feel powerless or powerful?  Do you want to live in fear or live your life?  Do you want to put all your eggs in one basket and solely rely on the medical system to keep you safe and in good health?

The best thing I can do is be responsible for my own health and that doesn’t necessarily mean the choices I make are going to protect me, but I have a better chance than those that do nothing. People's immune systems are so weakened by the world we now live in.  We’re not getting the nutrients our bodies so desperately need.  We’re taking medications and undergoing chemo and radiation that are damaging healthy cells.  It’s pretty simple actually, rebuild your body and find ways to strengthen your immune system, there are amazing people out there that can help you.  If your system is weak, you will be more likely to get sick.  Isn’t that just common sense?

I have spent years spending money on nutrients of different kinds, looking for ways to boost my immune system that my doctor simply cannot provide.  I work both sides, western and alternative, each has a purpose.  I’ve meditated, prayed and asked for guidance in order to learn my lessons as they come.  I’m taking care of mind, body and spirit to give myself a fighting chance to not fall victim to whatever outbreaks may lie ahead.  I am enjoying life, no longer worrying about what may or may not happen and feel better in every way taking action and being responsible for my own health.

Another victim of the Ebola virus is broadcasted all over the world and panic follows.  One of the worst feelings is to feel helpless and powerless.  By taking action, you in turn regain your power and having faith brings the greatest gift of all, living a more peaceful life. Be well and begin each day with gratitude, the Universe is listening.

Saturday, 18 October 2014

Use your voice!

I have a voice and I’m using it.  A nasty reply was made to a comment I posted a year ago on Facebook in regards to an article on the healing properties of medicinal plants.  The only reason I saw it now is because a man in Italy asked if we could be friends based on that post.  That lead me to see a man from California defended me and I had also received many likes to my comment. Never have I thought my voice was being heard, but it has been for quite awhile!  I have been adding my two cents in now and again, not for any notoriety, but to simply use the voice I’ve been given.

My entire life I’ve been challenged with health issues in the throat area.  Everything from severe bouts of tonsillitis as a child into early adulthood, a sluggish thyroid and neck herniations.  I continue to be fascinated by the connection of our emotions to the messages our bodies are trying to send us that guide us to the lessons we are here to learn.  Still a work in progress, but I’m getting there one step at a time, one written word and one conversation at a time.

This brings me to online dating, I swore I would never revisit this again and if I did I wouldn’t admit to it through writing for everyone to see.  But it’s a part of my journey and what I don’t need is to keep quiet once again due to my fears of what others may think.  I always learn so much with everything I choose to take on, so here we go again.  Without feelings of desperation and neediness, I simply figured it’s a good way to meet people, if something lifelong comes of it, wonderful.

How ironic, ‘meeting’ someone took a bit of time.  I cannot get over what goes on in our world, but because I try to keep a good attitude, not getting angry or frustrated, I do my best to ride through each experience.  Experiences they have been!  I had one try to scam me, one that was looking for ‘a good time’, one that actually set up a meeting, then turned around and wished me well the day we were supposed to meet with no explanation.  Next came someone I really connected to through words and after four days of emails, poof!...he disappeared as well.  A couple more followed that just vanished, again with no explanation and I knew part of my learning was about letting go of the need to know.  I now have the confidence to not take it personally.  That need to know is really about trying to figure out what I might have done wrong instead of just letting it be and accepting it's all part of the learning process. By being honest and direct in every case, I used my voice and no harm was done.  I’ve now graduated to learning some lessons much quicker.

Three weeks later, do I bail?  Am I going to allow others’ behaviour dictate my actions?  I’m going to give this a fair chance…’que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be, the future’s not ours to see, que sera sera, what will be, will be’.  Doris Day sang some pretty meaningful words back in 1956.

I received an invite to meet for coffee from someone totally unexpected.  Instead of hesitating and putting too much thought into it, I agreed to meet that morning.  It was nice to actually converse with a real person face to face and we talked for hours. Between my learning and a fun day with someone that made me laugh, it’s made revisiting online dating worthwhile.

There are so many ways to use your voice, to be assertive and not aggressive and a favorable outcome is attracting people that will respect you and even help you see your worth.  Show the universe that you can work through whatever comes your way, that you are willing to learn, enjoy the ride and keep smiling.  I just made another connection through my word game, Ruzzle, and another new Facebook friend many miles away!

Friday, 10 October 2014

Thankful this Thanksgiving.

My computer crashed at work, after two days of failed attempts to repair it, I now await a new one.  The IT guys rolled their eyes as I made one of my off the wall comments about how the planets are effecting us these days, we just had a powerful full moon and total lunar eclipse.  Some are open as a coworker said...'that's possible, my home computer crashed for a few days.'   As always, it's how we ride through the storms, big or small.  It'll get done and the last of my concerns as I write, enjoying a tall latte at my favorite coffee shop at the end of my street as jazz plays in the background.  Kids slurping their hot chocolates covered with special sprinkles as they play checkers with their grandpa at the table beside me, a young couple enjoying a coffee together with their newborn by their side, a group of friends laughing and catching up with one another. Meanwhile the owner is having a difficult time, the freezer conked out, all the food was spoiled and he is restocking the new one.  He rolls his eyes with an attempt to keep smiling, says,..'it's been one of those weeks!'  Even in the midst of chaos, I still feel the positive vibes and why I enjoy time spent here.

Thanksgiving weekend has arrived, a time that can be filled with joy and laughter with family or feel sad and lonely for some of us that don't have many, if any of our clan left and no spouse and kids to call our own.  One day, although I kept it to myself, I felt a bit of that sadness and a beautiful friend graciously invited me for turkey dinner.  New people to meet, the host happens to have a Hungarian background which gives me a sense of closeness to my father, and I am not allowed to help in the cooking or cleaning, a pretty sweet deal actually!  Sadness quickly shifted to gratitude.  Time on my own is now balanced with friends, their family and a few of us loners this holiday weekend to gather together, fun!

My mother and I have gone through so many ups and downs over the years, I have written about our coming back together only for it to fall apart again.  Finally, I feel our latest blowout brought about the best reconciliation I could've asked for.  There is a sense of genuineness this time, a compromise, a setting of boundaries for the first time and a real honest conversation with the outcome of acceptance.  It took 49 years for my mother to understand that I have needed to learn through my own experiences and I think I have convinced her my father watches out for me from above, allowing me to learn while keeping me out of harms way, so she can let go of worry.  I know she loves and cares about me.  I am grateful for the love I have from both my parents, even though it wasn't easy for many years.

The men on my path, I can never forget them.  What I am most grateful for is how comfortable some of them are in their own skin, their confidence and lack of insecurity is why some of us can enjoy the connection that remains.  It is very difficult to be friends with the opposite sex, but whatever degree the friendship is, I'm grateful to enjoy our conversations from time to time.  The respect we share for each other warms my heart.

Although it should be a daily practice, as some of my Facebook friends maintain through their gratitude posts, try and fit into this Thanksgiving weekend an attitude of gratitude and say thanks for all the many blessings in your life.  Thank you my friends, my mom, my special connections of every kind, wishing you well today, tomorrow and forever.