Summer

Saturday, 13 December 2014

Grateful for healing prayers, I dedicate this one to Anthony.

When news arrived that his son Anthony has to battle Hodgkin's Lymphoma again, he broke down quietly where no one could see him.  He's frightened as last time it had progressed to stage four in a very short time.  I immediately reached out to everyone I know to ask for prayers of healing and I am grateful to all who are lending their support, thank you.

I believe in the power of prayer as I witness incredible outcomes on a continual basis.  Prayer does not absolve us from challenges, but it gives us strength and also peace to leave that which is just too much of a load to carry, in the hands of God.  God's children are each and everyone one of us and you are all showing me how fortunate I am to have connected to you.  My faith has brought me a beautiful gift, to have the strength to be a part of this family and to provide comfort and encouraging words along with laughter to a man that is facing more difficulty on his path.  I have learned so much over the years and I am more than ready to walk this path with him and surround him with my energy while not allowing myself to get lost or drained in the process.  I now believe with God's help I have been preparing for this for a long time.

This father, an incredible family man he is, has brought so much into my life in only a few months time.  There is so much he has to deal with, but he always manages to show me how much he cares. When a man wants to be with you, nothing will stop him.  By letting him know I am here for him, giving him whatever space he needs, only decreases the space between us.

I believe my father and this man's wife are guiding us every step of the way and I say thank you to them as well.  I don't feel it's Anthony's time to join his mother, he dreams of becoming a pilot one day.  His father told his wife before she passed that he had a vision of Anthony in a pilot's uniform when he was battling cancer the first time, and I have to believe that dream will become reality one day.  Never give up on your dreams and continue to believe.  It has not been time to meet you yet Anthony, but I say a prayer for you each and every day...you will be healed and live in good health again, may God and all of his angels surround you and your family with love and light.  Thank you that you are divinely protected.

Sunday, 7 December 2014

The unknown zone.

'I'm happy, but I'm sad' were his words to me yesterday.  His middle son just won a weight lifting competition, next the Pan Am games and possibly a future Olympian.  Proud father he is, but he's torn. His eldest boy is struggling, having undergone chemo for a spread of Hodgkin's Lymphoma in the past, to now have lumps begin to grow yet again.  The future is unknown.  Such a difficult path he has been walking, having both his late wife battling cancer while his son was in another hospital room.  Back and forth he ran, while having his other two sons at home waiting for him.

He's been both mother and father to his three boys for over a year now, working hard at a job that requires his complete focus.  He has moments and when he breaks down, he makes sure he is alone so his sons aren't witness to it.  Through all of this he manages to be silly, never losing his sense of humour.  He cooks and shops and cleans, making sure every day his boys are taken care of and loved.  He's supporting two boys in university, encouraging them to get their degrees.  When his youngest had a recent birthday, he woke up extra early to surprise him with a decorated room, so he wasn't forgotten in all that was happening around them.

Then along came moi.  Is he ready for a relationship?  The loss is still part of his struggles as he deals with excruciating pain through his back and shoulder, that shoots right thru his heart chakra, while he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.  A pain I know all to well having experienced the exact same thing four years ago. I was dealing with loss in a different way.  I didn't realize my marriage was falling apart, and my body was trying to tell me something, I was in the unknown zone.  The answers eventually came and the pain subsided.

I began writing about my journey and lately I've returned to the zone of the unknown.  Do I continue to write?  Where is this relationship heading?  I want all the answers now, not next month, next week, not even tomorrow.  But today is a good day, I am inspired, and my relationship continues to move forward.  I have provided joy and fun into his life and mine.  He's much more than an Average Joe, and I am blessed to be walking this path together, thru tears and laughter.  Accept and embrace the unknown zone, trust that it's leading you somewhere.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

'He' and I have followed each other thru time...

We both entered Canada in 1965.  It was the year I was born and 'he' emigrated from Europe.  Do you believe if two people are destined to meet, they will?  When is the question and only God, the Universe has the answer.

In the late 70's I spent many weekends roller skating at The Terrace in Toronto, as did 'he'.  Did we skate right by each other all those years ago?  In the early 80’s I dated a guy who lived in the same neighborhood as 'he' did, and where his parents still reside.

Let’s move ahead to 1990.  I had met my husband and we desperately needed to find a place to live until we were ready to commit to buying a house and so in August we moved into an apartment we had found in just a few days.  Two months later 'he' bought a condo in the building right beside us and a few months later decided condo living was not for him, put it up for sale and bought his first home.  A year later my husband and I bought our first home in the neighboring town.

After ten years it was time to move from our home, the neighbourhood was changing and I was no longer happy there.  I was thrilled to find a new development going up in a quaint little town not too far away.  'He' wanted to leave his town as well and so he moved his family that same year to, yes the same quant little town.  How many times have we been at the same place at the same time?  Could we have walked right by each other in a store or on the street?

Eleven years later my husband and I separated and 'he' was embarking on a different journey that ultimately lead to a separation of a different kind.  I found a new home staying in the town I love so much.  ‘He’ spent day and night by his wife’s side as she battled cancer, which took her life two years later.  My struggles don't compare, but I lost men along the way, suffering heartbreak a few times.  The past year was about both of us working hard, finding the strength to carry on and find some happiness within.  It was a time of rebuilding our lives and preparing for what we had no idea was ahead of us, finally coming together.

'He' is the average Joe I have written about.  I had decided rather hesitantly to revisit online dating, but try a different site.  One late night something came over me and I felt compelled to sign up. After a month of disasters I contemplated throwing in the towel and then my Average Joe and I finally connected.  No more passing each other by, the Universe said the time had come to meet.  The question of when he and I were meant to collide has been answered, but the future remains uncertain, as he deals with the possibility his son could have a reoccurrence of cancer.  What is my purpose here?...only God knows what lies ahead.  Trust when two people are meant to meet, they will and if they both choose to walk the same path together from here on in, it will happen.

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Faith...lost, found or always there?

What a difference a day makes. One minute life seems so wonderful and the next I'm in excruciating pain.  This has happened before, debilitating back pain, I listen to my body and what keeps me going is knowing I'll get through it with a little bit of time and a lot of faith.  Never give up, that is never give up on God.  It is no coincidence that my mother had just told me she watched Joel Osteen on TV speak exactly about that..not turning your back on God, even in the most difficult moments.

There is no tougher test than physical pain when you feel alone and unsupported.  Your back is what supports you, but just because I know it doesn't necessarily give me a free pass not to have to experience it yet again.  Don't fight it, I tell myself and just surrender, not only to the pain, but to God.  It's always been a difficult time for me when there is very little family around, men that I have felt were not there for me, especially when I was struggling and now a relationship that is far to new to expect too much too soon.  I have learned not to blame anyone, but to see it as my issue and figure it out.  I now rely on God and trust he is with me every step of the way, helping me find the answers.  I have never believed as strongly as I do right now, that I am never alone, God is always with me and I'm not giving up on him.  If the body goes temporarily, the mind and spirit must not follow, but if they do, let it not continue on for too long, that's where you find yourself in depression or even worse where you just give up on God, yourself and your family, which can even lead to suicide, the worst tragedy of all.

Of all the people that have come and gone the first one that entered my thoughts was Christopher Reeve and so I watched a clip of an interview he did back in 2006. He didn't revisit his faith until after his injury.  There are countless people that have to undergo unbelievable events in their lives to find faith and a number still don't arrive at that point.  I myself found faith after my first encounter with what serious ongoing pain felt like.  Found faith, why would we use those words unless it was once lost?  I believe we all come into this world with faith and somewhere along the way, even as a small child we lose it because we were part of a family that didn't raise us to have faith, like Christopher Reeve, or for those who were, encountered something or someone along the way that influenced us enough to lose it.  This is my belief, and for all the science minded people out there, no I have no factual proof.

As the days go by I am getting more support.  God has not only brought me a wonderful man, but has placed me right around the corner from some amazing therapists that are helping me without resorting to harmful drugs.  My proof is what I observe all around me and the life I myself am living.  God is trying to help us to find what we lost or make sure we never let go of what we always had. Have you checked the lost and found box?  Faith may just be there waiting for you.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Beginnings and endings.

What a crazy time it is! So many beginnings and endings all around, my head is spinning!  Endings are coming sadly, I have heard of a few suicides recently and relationships not working out the way some had hoped for.  Endings are also about shedding the past and the old self which is what will bring wonderful new beginnings.  As for myself, from the book The Life You Were Born To Live, I am completing life cycle nine - 'a year of completion, of letting go, of quiet reflection that leads to wisdom – a time of looking backward and understanding that all cycles end; then begin again'.  As 2015 approaches I will be starting at one again, it's about new beginnings and I am working with that energy now as I prepare for a new year.  I'm on track, a beautiful new relationship is growing slow and steady.  The past has been about moving too quickly, which brought endings.  I have learned and through this wisdom I am shedding what hasn't worked and the Universe has brought me someone who wants to continue to grow with me as we build what could be long lasting.

Time is on some kind of warp speed.  The challenges I have faced already are being talked through and worked out quickly.  Doubts crept in momentarily which only made us want to work harder to find resolutions.  I have no doubt that putting the effort in brings the greatest pay off in the long run.  Perfect relationships are not reality and that's the world I used to live in.  Sure it might seem right when you're in it, but what happened is I went into denial like a turtle hides in it's shell when things seemed less than perfect.  Well maybe if I can just mold myself into what the other person wants to keep us together, as long as they're happy I'll be happy right?  And so I thought until I woke up from that dream and realized how many years I had been asleep.

I'm loving this reality, being in a relationship where both of us are thoughtful and considerate of each other, grateful and appreciative to have one another, never taking the other for granted.  As he said...'I'm the guy you'll still be having fun with 15 years later'.  Do you know how many people get comfortable?  How many guys feel courtship is work and when a few months go by they stop trying?  I think too many of us think that's reality.  Sure things change over time, but the playfulness and the fun need never change.  The tough times don't have to kill the passion you once had, in fact it should enhance it because once you get through it, you're even more grateful for what you have which means you try even harder to keep it. It's only been a short time, but because of time moving so very quickly I have already seen this happening and I can only trust that if this one is meant to last, we will continue to remain on the same page, enjoying what we have so far..many laughs, passionate debates and passion in every other way as we discover each other slow and steady.  Today is the beginning of the rest of your life, enjoy the ride!

Saturday, 1 November 2014

My average Joe.

'Being on my own for awhile has been good for me as I got lost for awhile'.  A message I sent and the reply that followed...'Now I found you'.  Is it possible?  Has the Universe brought me more than I could have imagined?...my average Joe.  A few years ago when my readings began with Stacey she said...'he's just your average Joe, but he's your Joe'.  As we talked the other night he said...'I'm just an average Joe', my jaw dropped and Stacey's words came right back to me in that moment.  It may be a somewhat common saying, but no one has ever said it to me before.  It's those moments of intimacy that make waiting to carry things to the next level all worth it.  The silliness, the goofiness, the wine, the dates, the stimulating conversation and the kissing are all part of the process I have waited a long time to enjoy and now it's here.  It's been a long journey.  A journey of getting involved with men that either weren't emotionally available or not willing to walk through their fears to grow with me.  I never gave up on my dreams, I just had lessons to learn along the way.

The one who seems to be my perfect fit is now here, is he here to stay?  He's kind, caring, smart, generous, compassionate, easy going, attractive, sexy, charming, established, honest and real.  He makes me laugh like I've never laughed before and now I know the importance of laughter within a relationship.  What I've learned is not to get ahead of myself, stay grounded, don't jump all in too fast and apply everything I have learned.  I finally figured out when someone special comes along, someone I could see a future with, I would build a foundation, piece by piece, day by day.  He has had much to learn as well.  Going from his childhood home where everything was done for him, to his matrimonial home.  After his wife passed he was faced with not only taking care of himself, but his children as well.  I have no doubt if he didn't work through his own struggles, we would not be here today, it's all about the timing.

When that someone special enters your life, enjoy every moment, it's all about the journey, not the destination.  Get to know all that you can about them before you give all of yourself.  Let the fire ignite and let it smolder for awhile.  If someone is willing to wait, they're interested in getting to know every part of you, they're emotionally available and they will show you in every other way that they're totally into you.

Stacey taught me to keep traveling the road I am on and when I meet someone that is not quite as far along as me, allow them to catch up.  A perfect sign to see if they are committed to you, they will want to put one foot in front of the other and join you on the journey.  I am also learning things from him, that's how it should be. One of my biggest lessons has been not to force someone who is not ready and realize quicker to remove myself from the situation instead of remaining hopeful that in time they will come around.  I never wanted to close a door, but I left it open a bit too long in the past.  When I let go and continued my walk, the Universe delivered. God you have heard my prayers, but it's not up to me when those prayers get answered.  I'm grateful for who I am today and the gift you have brought me...my average Joe.

Monday, 27 October 2014

Ebola virus...don't mess with me!

I’m on fire now and today I want to use my voice to speak out about the Ebola virus.  Do you want to feel powerless or powerful?  Do you want to live in fear or live your life?  Do you want to put all your eggs in one basket and solely rely on the medical system to keep you safe and in good health?

The best thing I can do is be responsible for my own health and that doesn’t necessarily mean the choices I make are going to protect me, but I have a better chance than those that do nothing. People's immune systems are so weakened by the world we now live in.  We’re not getting the nutrients our bodies so desperately need.  We’re taking medications and undergoing chemo and radiation that are damaging healthy cells.  It’s pretty simple actually, rebuild your body and find ways to strengthen your immune system, there are amazing people out there that can help you.  If your system is weak, you will be more likely to get sick.  Isn’t that just common sense?

I have spent years spending money on nutrients of different kinds, looking for ways to boost my immune system that my doctor simply cannot provide.  I work both sides, western and alternative, each has a purpose.  I’ve meditated, prayed and asked for guidance in order to learn my lessons as they come.  I’m taking care of mind, body and spirit to give myself a fighting chance to not fall victim to whatever outbreaks may lie ahead.  I am enjoying life, no longer worrying about what may or may not happen and feel better in every way taking action and being responsible for my own health.

Another victim of the Ebola virus is broadcasted all over the world and panic follows.  One of the worst feelings is to feel helpless and powerless.  By taking action, you in turn regain your power and having faith brings the greatest gift of all, living a more peaceful life. Be well and begin each day with gratitude, the Universe is listening.