Class is on again, another grade passed.

Dear Eve,

It still blows my mind when I am shown how living thru my soul, being connected to source, being one with the Universe connects us to one another.  I just came back from my second home, Mexico.  It's the first time I've been back there since my separation, my divorce.  Just when you think the healing is done...wham!  I was walking down the beach and I came upon the house my ex and I had rented years ago.  Being directionally challenged, it caught me off guard, but I was fine. I continued to walk, with my now wonderful new man, enjoying being back along side the ocean, where I belong.  The next day we decided to take another walk and as we got closer and closer to the house, this time my emotions took over. Tears started to flow and I tried my best to fight them off, but it wasn't working. There was no way around it, I had to let it out. We stopped to cool off in the ocean, I drifted off in another direction, not wanting my love to witness this woman having a complete meltdown. To top it all off it was his birthday, he certainly didn't deserve me crying over my past with my ex! But I was overwhelmed, crying out loud, gasping for air, but I had to continue to let it flow.  The ocean has been so healing for me over the years in many ways, this seemed only fitting I would have some sort of spiritual cleanse in my home, the beautiful Mayan Riviera turquoise sea.  I had a similar uncontrollable outpour of emotions once during a drumming ritual at one of the powerful vortexes in Sedona, only then I had no idea what the reason was, I just knew it was the start of a long road of healing that needed to be done.  I remember the native intuitive telling me 'there are all these doors opening all around you, but you're lost, you don't know which door to walk through'.

Once the crying in the ocean subsided I thanked God, my family up above and my angels and guides for the opportunity I was given and sat on the beach explaining to my new love what had just occurred.  A wonderful man he is, understanding and loving.  The sadness left and later I felt a sense of relief that I could be back to a place I love and return again instead of fearing the past and the memories.  So many of us have to run the other way instead of facing our fears head on and allowing the healing to take place.  I walked by the house once more a few days before the trip was over, this time on my own after doing a little shopping in town and I was able to fully enjoy it and I know I can now come back without any concerns.

While there I  checked my astrologer Phil Booth's horoscope..

'Something is lingering on from the past that is best forgotten. Shaking it off requires a huge effort of willpower. Exceptionally powerful cosmic developments promise a fruitful few days that will lead to something meaningful, profound and inspired.'  Then I read a woman's blog I connected with on her site Shameless Community..'Lunar eclipses are Full Moons on Steroids. They usually END something... even if it's simply an inner pattern (or 10) that no longer serve. They can remove A LOT. Life can feel weird, as if it's been strip-mined. Don't worry, the more you allow to release now, the better. The vacuum will begin to be filled perfectly with the New, May 9 onward, especially if you invite in a Divine plan.'

Then even more validation, more signs from God....just before I left I wrote my best girlfriend an email explaining what had happened only leaving out the exact date.  She replied by saying 'one day you were really on my mind and I said an extra prayer for you'....my eyes well up now thinking about how we confirmed upon my return that it was the very same day I was crying in the ocean.  I am so very grateful for the beautiful people I am so connected to, even when we are separated by miles and miles.  I am grateful to be living though my soul, to be one with God and the Universe, to continue to grow and to heal while here on earth, in school.  As I continue to learn, I understand the importance of taking the time we need before moving on to the next grade, just like in school.

It's a Candy Crush world! :)

Dear Eve,

2013 will go down in history as the year of the Candy Crush phenomenon.  It's crazy! I've never been much of a gamer until I started busting thru jellybeans!  I'm always striving for balance and now the only thought I have to write about is Candy Crush!  I'll admit it.. I have an addiction problem now...lol..my boyfriend gave me a nickname...Jellybean...cute.  It all started when instead of calling it Candy Crush he called it The Jellybean Game...his son just rolled his eyes, I said 'that's ok, must be a Romanian thing'...lol. 

One friend sent me a Facebook message one day...'Candy Crush support group meeting Monday 10am :)'. Seriously, I think groups must be forming out there. How many people in the world are playing this?  How much money are they making?  I feel for those who don't have a network of Facebook friends to rescue them with lives, it would start adding up eventually!  Some have even resorted to buying hammers...when they really start to lose it. Me I've managed to only dish out $1.98 in desperate times, not much for the hours of entertainment it's providing. Luckily not only do I know many playing, but I have even formed a buddy system with one girlfriend....we exchange lives nightly....a previous co-worker/friend from years ago. Candy Crush you are even bringing people closer together and challenging and motivating those of us behind the pack to barrel ahead and catch them!

Gotta say, cool game, brilliant whoever came up with it, you've suckered a pile of us in now and we can't get out!  Those experts who have managed to make it over the two hundred level are still willing to spend a month to get just one more level ahead. When will it end?  How much longer can you keep us guessing with each level busted through...what lies ahead? Well from where I'm sitting, standing, lying down, playing Candy Crush....it may just continue for the rest of 2013!  Enjoy fellow jellybeans, soon we'll be able to sit out under the stars with Candy Crush in one hand and a margarita in the other...we're going to need it!...Yours truly...Eve aka Jellybean

Everything will work out...won't it?

Dear Eve,

When life throws you a curve ball and knocks you off your feet it can be a real challenge to trust everything happens for a reason.  When your friends and family say 'don't worry everything will work out' it's sometimes hard to believe them when you're in the thick of it....isn't it?   I'm always writing about positive things, but like everyone else I  have my moments when things aren't going my way...I don't like it!   I find it especially difficult to go through a rough patch when I have so much trust and faith that spirit is guiding me and I know I'm on the right path. Then I realize...I'm in a lesson, I'm learning something, the trick is to figure out 'what the heck am I learning this time!?'. Universe can you give me a break?... I just learned a whole pile of lessons in the past few years!

The one thing that helps above all else is my good friend saying 'now you're building your faith muscles'.  When I didn't have faith I felt lost, I couldn't get myself out of that 'oh woe is me' mindset and I would go in a downward spiral, wondering how bad is it going to get, can I resolve this?  Sure we have those friends and family that are there to support and love us, but they can't fix us.  When you love yourself, then I don't know about you, but when I really look at the whole picture  I realize my anxiety seems to be created by the actions of others.  I can't allow others control how I feel so it's up to me to get myself back on track.   I have  learned what I can do for myself to keep my sanity at times like this....meditate, pray and write write write...just like I'm doing now.  It's so amazing how just getting my thoughts out of my head feels like a release...I'm consulting with my soul...I give my head a shake and tell myself...I'm a good person, I am strong, I am a survivor, I will be fine.  We don't all have a blog, but we all have the ability to journal, it has gotten me thru some tough times.

And then there's Phil Booth...I read my horoscope everyday and wouldn't you know it, it says....'Pluto’s epic battle with Uranus is causing agitation and anxiety. Something must be put right, but your attempts to fix things appear to be failing. Judging, however, from a benevolent alignment from Jupiter, success indubitably lies ahead.'. So I have to wonder how much do the planets effect us?....It's nothing I'm doing, I am on the right path.  When in doubt and you just feel better blaming something...blame the planets..lol.  Ride the wave, tomorrow's a new day....and yes everything will work out.

How can you be bored?

Dear Eve,

"I'm bored"..I am so unfamiliar with this statement I thought I'd look it up.  I hear it now and again and I simply cannot relate. There are countless stimulants out there..no not coffee or drugs..I'm talking about books, creative projects, games, writing, good conversation, physical activity..yes all physical activity :)  I even find meditation stimulates me, although it's a way to shut off the brain, I also find thoughts come in during or sometimes after which point me in the direction to the things that stimulate me.  I'm starting to find how everything starts with meditation, how meditation is the catalyst to many things and now even to resolve boredom.  

I couldn't believe it when I read one definition of boredom...a severe disease.  Then there are other descriptions...depleted of strength or energy, joylessness, dullness, lifelessness, cheerlessness, sameness, uninterested...you can't possibly be uninterested in everything, we all have interests, but some people don't even know what they are.  Which brings to mind laziness...don't even get me started on that one.  When I opened up to the world of nutrition and spirituality, travelled on various retreats and connected with like minded people, I never heard "I'm bored" from any of them, so there must be something to it.  

My life has become so busy and joyful and exciting and I credit it to meditating. Ironically now it's challenging to find enough time for it as I have so many things and special people in my life to stimulate me. Regardless, when life wasn't busy, I still never got bored.  I could spend an entire weekend by myself reading, writing, meditating, going for walks, making good food, enjoying a good movie with a glass of wine.  If you always enjoy where you're at in your journey, then you will always enjoy what's ahead.

Change your way of thinking....

Dear Eve,

I hear others' struggles around me, things going wrong, anger, conflicts coming at them and what do all these people have in common?...they use words like "what next?...only me."  Their focus shifts to the next possible disaster or maybe a person they blame for their difficulties.  Whatever we put out we attract....I see it over and over...time and time again.  I changed my way of thinking and the world just keeps opening up for me.  New people with new ideas that interest me, people that bring me joy, love, make me laugh and people that inspire me. It's so funny, change is something we humans don't seem to like because it takes effort and most of all we must have patience, faith and believe that in time we will see good things happen.  If you want to block the flow of what the universe truly wants to bring you?... then sure keep on focusing  on what others are doing, how they have upset and angered you and watch how it just seems to be one thing after another.  What I have to be constantly checking myself for is not to get frustrated when I observe and listen to others.  I truly want what has been happening to me for everyone of us, but I have no control over this.  Really the word control is pretty much a word that is not meant to be used as it comes down to trust.  Trust that if you are in a messy situation, you are given this opportunity to learn from it, your soul advances and you will survive.  We are in school...good grades reward you with a wonderful journey.

I heard this crazy study on the radio the other day of how it's supposed to increase our life span and decrease illness if we look at the glass half empty. What you have to do is really listen to these studies and read between the lines.  They also said these people had no expectations.  And there it is!...Expectations are in fact not a good thing. I can tell you in my previous marriage we put expectations on each other.  That's what we do...we put that focus right back on things we try to control when in fact we can't control anything!  I lived by the theory if I always thought about the worst case scenario then whatever happened was never as bad....so I was never disappointed.  Well I had totally fooled myself, it was like some crazy twisted game that in hindsight makes no sense whatsoever.  Only now that I have tried a different way of thinking can I see where life is taking me.  When we are in it, we can't see it until we change and look back and then all we want to do is show others the better way.

What spiritual partnerships mean to me...

Dear Eve,

How amazing is it to have two awesome people in my life...one is like the female version of me and the other the male version, what I have referred to as my twin flame, whom I have written much about. What I am noticing with my girlfriend who has been in my life a lot longer, is that we are taking on the best qualities of each other and even following in each others footsteps.  Last year I was home a lot, enjoying my freedom, a lot of time to myself and some time with friends. My girlfriend was on the go, what seemed like all the time, travelling lots, even doing two trips back to back.  Well here we are now...I hope to be going on two trips back to back, the one with the female and the other with the male version.  I'm also packing almost every weekend to spend time with this male version of me while she is turning more into a 'zen girl' as she referred to it, finding more days at home to enjoy, to read, taking on projects around the house, spending time with family and just do whatever she feels like doing.  I am now enjoying the things in a relationship that she had in her long standing marriage. 

She is feeling more creative, taking cues from me in the fashion sense and coming into her own, feeling inspired to cook me lovely dinners..lucky me :) and I am understanding what it means to have faith, to pray and appreciate life and live in truth, just a few of the things she has taught me. We want to be better people and that's what spiritual partnerships should be about. There are relationships/soulmates and then there are spiritual partnerships.  I now understand the difference, I now have two very meaningful spiritual partnerships.  It's this level of awareness that has helped me to understand I have come a long way on this journey.

My father's approval from the 'other side'...

My twin flame has had his first reading now, and it was with Stacey, my favourite intuitive, the one I have written been writing about, and the one I, along with my father, have been the most connected to.  Like the saying goes...where there is a will there is a way and what people experience the normal way such as communication with family when it comes to momentous occasions and important life experiences, I am still able to have, but in my unique way.  My father has been with me in spirit at the last few readings so although I really wasn't expecting him to come thru at my twin flame's reading, I still asked him to come.

When  we arrived at Stacey's I was surprised when she asked if I wanted to sit in at his reading and if he was okay with that.  He wanted me to be with him, something else to experience together, another way to bring us closer.  In readings with others in the past I was not even allowed in the house as it mixes with the energies, but as with everything else I have experienced, Stacey is different.  I was so glad to be part of it as my father did come thru again and he said he completely trusts the man I am with, he has had conversations with him in dream state (my twin flame has told me previously he has talked to him wondering if he has heard him) and my father is giving his approval of this union, just more validation that he had so much to do with us coming together.  He said he will talk to my twin flame and help him as sometimes I can make things complicated...haha my dad knows exactly how I can be!  Also sitting there together just validated that not only has this been my spiritual counseling, but now couples counseling too, may not suit many, but it has worked for me....preparing for this man entering my life, understanding the early stages of our relationship and now working towards the best possible spiritual partnership.

What I am trying to show those of us who have lost a loved one is that just because they are no longer physically with us, doesn't mean we still can't have just as meaningful connections after they are gone.  The connections may be different, but I believe what they have to share is even more powerful because it is coming from 'the other side'.  Thanks dad for being part of my life, for your help, guidance and most importantly....your love.