Who is not struggling with something these days? When I wasn't living a conscious life, it sure seemed easier at the time, when in fact it wasn't. Looking back, living in denial took less effort. Life is busy enough, why would I want to add to it by starting to look at wasn't working in my life. But alas, the day arrived where I got jabbed with such pain it became unbearable. Why do some of us stay in that pain and others find a way out? A question I may never have an answer for. Why did I choose to evolve and grow spiritually when it's been nothing but one lesson after another, certainly not an easy path to follow. I've been jabbed more than once since that incident and there's been no turning back once I began this journey because I don't want to stay in excruciating pain for too long, the day in and day out discomfort is enough...a continuos work in progress. The only thing I do know to do now is every time I get hit hard, I have to turn up the notch on going within and do some more soul searching.
I'm finishing a thought provoking book written many years ago called The Road Less Travelled and a theory Scott Peck addresses to some of my questions is that it comes down to laziness. The problem is many of us don't see ourselves as lazy, whether it be our families, jobs, running errands, household chores, we each have our lists. We bust our butts just to get thru each day so how can we be lazy? Because we don't want to put the work into ourselves and we'll find every excuse not to. We do what we want to do and then there is the have to list. Meditating is interesting because what started as a want, has also become a have to. Why? I feel like I'm out of sync somehow if I don't check in with my soul and once I discovered how that feels, I can't seem to go too long without doing it.
Having embarked on a spiritual journey about eight years ago, I can see why it's no easy task, but the people that haven't begun living a conscious life would have no way of understanding how hard, yet rewarding it is. I have to keep reminding myself everyone is doing only what they know how to to do. It's how I found forgiveness for past traumas I've endured, whether it be in childhood or years later. You can only do better when you know better and as Peck says, your unconscious knows better. The challenge is to tap into that unconscious and why some of us consciously choose to connect with our unconscious?....is a mystery. If I tried to come up with an answer, maybe it was that one friend praying for me to start this journey, but then it still doesn't answer the question as to why I pray for others and it isn't happening. Is it that one day it will happen? What I don't know is how long it takes for prayers to be answered and so in order to build my own faith muscles, I must never give up. And so prayer that begun as a want, also became a have to.
Patience is one of the hardest lessons in life and so is letting go and allowing something bigger than us help in matters we have no control over...also a continuos work in progress. As long as I stay consciously aware, I will continue to evolve, through trial and error, not beating myself up over things I could have done different, but simply learn and forge ahead. Prayer is something we do for others without expecting anything back, it's completely selfless. So I continue to pray through this thing called life! The world as we know it today, can use more prayers.