Thursday, 24 July 2014

Her name is Eve.....

She's an observer with a curious mind,
studying patterns when people get lost along the way.

She feels such joy empowering others,
as she waits for a smile, an expression,
or a spark to light up their eyes.

She loves to reveal her creativity, 
as much as savoring it in others,
thru art, fashion, photography and writing.

She's rediscovering her passion for life,
thru silliness, laughter or getting lost in the music,
as she dances the night away.

Thru meditation and contemplation, 
she finds stillness and solitude,
she prays to God to continue to show her the way.

She was born highly sensitive, a trusting spirit,
her compassion has not always served her well.

She's moving forward and reclaiming her power,
as she peels back a thousand veils that cover her soul.

She is bound and determined to learn her lessons,
thru joy and love, heartbreak and pain,
as she awaits her knight in shining armor,
to arrive one day.

Her name is Eve.

Thursday, 17 July 2014

The upside of social networking, a special shout out to Facebook!

After giving online dating a bit of a hard time in a previous blog, today I'd like to focus on the positive side of the social network world we live in now, specifically Facebook.  Some may see it as a waste of time, but I thoroughly enjoy it.  How else could I connect to amazing people around the world that have become my Facebook family and also learn new things about co-workers and friends close by. A family of like minded people that post their pictures, adventures, thoughts and wealth of knowledge.  There's a never ending discovery of videos, beautiful music, paintings, photography, articles and affirmations that we share amongst each other and something will touch each of our souls in a different way.  Many share their incredible creativity that we are all so fortunate to watch as they grow and develop their craft over the years, we all have something to contribute.  I've made connections in Australia, Dubai, Malaysia, Europe, Hawaii, England, all over Canada and the United States - the list keeps growing!  My dream is to travel to many places, how awesome would it be to know someone in every part of the world?! 

Our lives are so busy these days, but those of us that enjoy the land of Facebook find time to connect with one another.  If I feel as if I'm letting other things slide, such as reading a good book, I consciously make an effort to find some balance again, modern technology can easily consume hours at a time as many of us know.  If meditation is as important to you as it is for me and you suddenly feel there isn't enough time in the day, ask yourself if you're spending too much time checking the latest posts, I know it's easy to do when you have a curiosity like mine.

There are people that don't trust posting their information in fear something may happen.  It's why I include in my prayers..'thank you that I am divinely protected' that I don't have to live in fear.  I share my journey and my most personal thoughts and experiences to help others and when your intention is to serve others, negativity does not follow.  Should it find a way to creep into our lives, those of us who know better, will see it as a lesson and grow from it.  

I use this platform of social networking to spread the positive side of life as I am a firm believer you attract what you put out and I love what I'm attracting!  I smile, I laugh, I pause and I digress.  I learn, I teach, I feel joy and I feel one with with my spiritual friends.  When I read posts about a family member who has crossed over, a sick friend or an injury they have suffered, I am grateful to have the opportunity to say a prayer for them.  I feel the love from prayer warriors all over the world and I have the opportunity to see when prayers are answered.  May we always stay connected and may our families continue to grow!  Thanks Facebook.

Friday, 11 July 2014

Healing through tears that were ready to flow.

A wave of emotions came over me, don't start crying in the middle of the sidewalk, remember, if you're emotionally shot, go to water. Just a few more minutes and there's a spot by the creek to duck from passersby.  Made it, barely, let it out, and so I did.  Yesterday I spent an hour receiving healing in one of John of God's crystal beds close to my home town.  My instructions were 'to chill' the first night.  Since I had received another letter from my mother earlier that day, thought it best to wait before opening it.  And so when the morning arrived I decided not to put it off any longer and like a band aid being ripped off, I read it as fast as I could before heading out for my walk.

Okay, I released another layer of pain, wow that one came from deep down, I didn't even know it was there.  I'm good now, haven't cried like that in a long time, should be safe to continue, well maybe best I cut it short and head for home.  Shoot, next wave is coming, nowhere to hide this time and there's someone up ahead, great.  Walk fast and turn your head, he won't even notice.  I can see my house now, and I'm in, whew!  That last release was a big one as this time it's not as intense.  Now it's time to write, as crying, writing is healing, so I let it flow through tears and through words.  I am so grateful for my friends that have helped me thru this period of emotional release.  It is no coincidence that I recently connected to one of them.  When she speaks of her own mother I feel as if she's talking about mine, while another friend sent messages of support and yet another sees I am not my mother, but my father's daughter, helping me maintain my sanity through all of this.  

I spent so long trying to figure out how to heal this relationship between my mother and I.  I believed I needed to keep trying to fix it, to save it and to save her, but once again it blew up in my face.  Her need to control has resurfaced and brought me right back to my younger days.  She has instructed me to only communicate through writing for the next while and this time I agree it's for the best, it's her way of coping thru difficult times.  Neither of us learned boundaries and now the lines are drawn.  Sending her love from a distance, while protecting myself from the toxicity within this relationship is essential to keeping further illness from occurring.  This is how disease manifests in the body and so I needed to release another layer of anger and  pain that has been buried all these years.  I sat down, wrote my response and spoke my truth for the first time, now I let go and let God.

The journey is most certainly not always easy, but without my perseverance in continuing my learning and healing within, I would not be connecting to amazing people that love and support me.  I choose to not repeat the generational pattern...being isolated, feeling victimized, threatened and attacked by everyone I cross paths with.  Love is the best medicine, thank you dear friends.

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Save him!..maybe not..ok fine I won't!

Trying to save others, particularly men...guilty as charged.  Why do we do it, and then do it again?..because we haven't figured out the why.  I was trying to save my husband, then the next guy and once again, the one that followed.  It has taken me years, even after awakening to get my answer and it was triggered after an evening spent with two people, a mother that drank too much and a daughter that was clearly agitated.  I felt her pain, as I, like her, grew up in the same environment.  I finally had the opportunity to tell her she can talk to me anytime, I understand.  That night I had terrible dreams, which rarely happens, but in my last dream of the night I received a dozen yellow roses.  Years ago in a reading I was told.. 'if you see yellow roses it's your dad sending his love', I'd like to think that was the meaning.

When I awoke it hit me...I could never save my mother.  When I asked a new and very wise friend of mine if there was a connection, she said 'of course you can't get any closer to a human than your mother, you were attached by an umbilical cord'. As another friend said, 'sex is meant to be a spiritual union' and boy did I feel this powerful connection when it happened.  And so I have always felt a longing to save the ones I bonded to intimately.  

Awakening didn't bring immediate answers, if anything it intensified my yearning to help others.  I was onto something and wanted everyone else to 'get it'.  I find it funny now, thinking if I threw enough information at people, especially the guys I was involved with, magically they would awaken too!  It's natural to want to share with people and nothing wrong with it until it consumes you with hopefulness of trying to convince others of your beliefs.  Okay 'I get it'.  That is why I chose to engage with the men I have and I still think the world of them, they were helping me find my answers.  Not their answers, mine.  

How crazy that the last man reminded me so much of myself before I awakened, so guess what happened? I started thinking, well if it happened to me, maybe it will happen to him and so I waited.  If I'm not with someone at the same level of consciousness, how cool would it be to watch him go thru the process!  But you can't sit around and wait, you need to keep moving forward and trust if they don't catch up, there is another plan.  I understand my compassion for others is something I need not conceal, I just had to learn when and how to apply it.

And then as soon as finished writing I saw this post by Carolyn Myss...

The impulse to direct our power into physical expression-through creativity, sexuality, communication, and all other means that secure our survival-is primal.  This power has other names, among them life force, energy, prana, chi, and, within the Western context of the sacred, grace. How wisely we use this power has a governing influence on our health and other aspects of our life, including the quality of our relationships with others and with ourselves-perhaps that most importantly of all.

Thursday, 26 June 2014

Let's un-nutsify :)

I'm checking goes the nutsifying times? The weather is nutty, not much we can do about that except ride it out.  Work is busy, so we can only do what we can do and not allow it to get to us, how about the people around you?  Now there's something we can manage without losing our minds.  I think I'm doing okay in this department.  There are people we can talk to and then there are those we can simply listen to, smile and go about our day.  I had a great chat with my temptation and we both feel better for it.  If you can have a nice conversation, calmly and peacefully, why not? When a wall doesn't go up, when a person doesn't get defensive, the best result is resolution.  

So what happens if you are not amidst a calming energy and there's no time to go in a quiet spot and chant Aaaaauuummm?...or that's just not your thing and you're tired of people telling you to go and meditate?  Personally I can no longer imagine a life without meditation, but I do have a quick fix.  Say to yourself..'they are on their own journey'.  It's worked for me.  You stop trying to convince others that yours is the better way and you let go of control.  Maybe your way is the better way, nothing wrong with keeping that to yourself.  I witnessed this recently amongst a few people.  You can state your case with valid points and you can go on and on until you're blue in the face.  What happens? Calming energy has gone poof!  You get agitated and so does everyone around you.  I did this for years and where did it get me?...absolutely nowhere except a quick trip to crazy town.   I love a wall plaque I recently saw in a shop on my holidays...'Your crazy is showing, you might want to tuck that back in'.  Now you may automatically think this refers to the other person, but maybe it's a little reminder for yourself.  These are few things we can say to ourselves that will bring peace or just make us laugh.

I have yet to deal with my mother, one thing at a time is for my own sanity.  In the meantime I am embarking on another week of holidays, this time it's a staycation.  An extra-long massage is slated for one day and a revisit to a crystal bed for mental, emotional, spiritual and physical healing a few days later.  Time with friends and who knows what else may transpire.  I went to a reading recently with someone new, but one thing was not new...'water is your battery charger'.  This has come up in many readings with different people.  It is why when I travel to the ocean I feel like I'm home. In the meantime I need to find water in other temptation has a warm pool...haha there I go trying to justify again.  May your days become a little more un-nutsifying.

Friday, 20 June 2014

Nutsifying overly mentally stimulating times!

It's nutsifying these days!  This is a made up word on the site I follow, mystic mamma, so excuse the made up spelling.  My recent holiday was absolutely wonderful, my mind took a break, well sort of. Thoughts can't help but creep in and when did my brain, my subconscious, decide to do it's work? dream state.  I was attempting to work out two issues...a blowout with my mother before I left and my temptation to revisit temptation.  

There is not much chance of staying still for long on this journey, keep on trecking forward and so the mind goes into full overdrive again.  I love mystic mamma, it's always bang on to what is happening in my thoughts and sure enough he's an overwhelming time.  Back and forth, yes and no, round and round we go!  

I came home to two letters from my mother, now there's a brain that never stops and the words fly out one way or another without taking time to breathe.  Thankfully I've learned to not respond in haste and so I wrote a brief note to let her know I need time to think so I am not writing in a reactionary state.  So I've bought myself a little time...I don't need to consume my thoughts with this one, I am still in the 'I want to have fun zone'.  

Now for the other dilemma.  The planets right now are about 'it's what I want!'  No kidding!  One day I want to follow what I want, fulfill my desires, then the other voice says 'do the right thing'.  A battle is going on and yes mystic mamma, it's overly mentally stimulating which is overwhelming.  I'm a master of justifying..'well now that I am aware of the lesson can I go for it now?' :).  Yes, no, well maybe...aaaahhh!  No wonder people choose to live unconsciously, then they don't have to deal with these conflicts.  Too late to go back to that way of existence as it doesn't turn out well in the long run and so I have to do what I did when responding to my mother...don't react and take time to think..but I don't want to think anymore!  

Let's add more to this...earlier this week I had some form of communication with four strong male connections from my past... in one day!  Coffee with an old friend, a call from my exhusband to see if I'm okay, a visit with my 'temptation' and before the clock struck midnight...a 7 month delayed response to an email from a past love where he stated 'your father is not letting me sleep lately'.  Dad you're busy up there, what are you up to?  I had just been journalling as if I was writing to you asking for help an hour before this email appeared. Thanks to Stacey, my spiritual counsellor, there is a clearing of the past going on here, which also coincides with mystic mamma's latest post.  

Mystic mamma's mantra for this week...
'Sometimes I feel like I want to get off this train before I'm completely lost.  Heading into the unknown, I need to surrender to the plan my soul made in the womb of my mother.' 

Now I just have to figure out what the plan is or better yet, let the plan unfold.  In the meantime continue to ask for guidance.  I'll say it again...this is nutsifying!  For now I'm going to enjoy a fun weekend with some new experiences!

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Writing about not writing..think I need a break from my mind.

Well it's finally happened, I have no thoughts of what to write about.  Is it writer's block?  I'm not one to admit I am blocked, but as much as my mind goes and goes I am willing to surrender to shutting it off and take a break.  I write when I am learning something and feeling inspired.  As we all know, creativity has to flow naturally, not to be forced. 

At my last session with Stacey, my spiritual counsellor, she told me it is time for a break.  You have been learning so much - your roots, relationships and not only who you are, but who you are as a woman.  

I just walked through a fear and attended a book launch out of town, walking into a room by myself, sitting and eating a lovely myself.  I went to the local myself, had to psych myself up a bit before leaving.  Both great nights, as they are once you've conquered a fear.  I met some great people, but the fun started out a little scary, so now it's time to JUST have fun.  Okay so it took me two months to understand what Stacey was telling me, but eventually I get it.

My brain has gone into holiday mode.  It's been a year since I visited the ocean, here I come!...I've missed you.  When you need a break, take it and enjoy it immensely, I know I will!  Silliness has been going on all around me, whether it's family or at the office, I'm going to enjoy my travels with a peaceful, dear friend with a beautiful energy.  Signing off for a couple of weeks, I'm sure the sea air and few, okay more, glasses of wine will clear my mind.  The learning will return and with that, so will the inspiration.  I did still manage to write more than a few words about not writing, I definitely need to get away! :)